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From our new member and moderator, Damien, five brand new topics:
(This topic new today!)
Using the dynamics of your relationship, what's one thing about yourself that you would change?
Let's
kick things off! In my introduction I mentioned that I believe in
control as opposed to the use of power. A couple of people asked how I
differentiate between the two.
With the use of power I can/could
make her/him submit to me. The result of this, while for all intent and
purpose would ultimately have the same result, it would lack fulfilment.
With the use of control, I can make her WANT to submit to me.
To me personally, her desire to submit to me is paramount.
What's more important to you, his/her ability to make you submit?
Or his/her ability to control not only you but themselves and inspire a need or desire in you to WANT to submit?
Goals
As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?
Are
your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they
based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?
Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?
For those of you who are in the early stages of developing a
relationship based on Dominance and Submission, what are your fears?
Do you have any fears?
For
those of you who are already in an established relationship based on
Dominance and Submission, did you initially have any fears?
Did those fears come to any fruition or has your relationship progressed enough to surpass your initial fears?
Have you developed any long term fears/anxiety relating to the longevity of your relationship?
Is your significant other aware of those fears and have you discussed strategies that can alleviate the anxiety?
Are you aware of any fears or anxiety experienced by your significant other relating to your relationship dynamics?
For
those with a submissive nature that were brave enough to ask their
significant other to take control of the relationship. What's more
important to you, having your own needs met or do these needs come
second to the health of your relationship as a whole.
Same question directed to those Dominant natured people who sought a DD or D/s relationship?
As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?
Are
your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they
based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?
Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?
From Avidrita:
Where
i live, our dynamic is considered deviant and often disgusting to
others. Admittedly, we live in an extremely liberal community that
emphasizes female autonomy, so female submission in particular is
offensive to many.
As a result, I struggle as a submissive with
'coming out' to friends and family. To some extent, it's none of their
business just as anything anyone does in the intimacy of their
relationship is no one's business. But in a larger sense, I often feel
uncomfortably that I am hiding something from those closest to me.
As
both Dominants and submissive, how public are you about your dynamic?
How private? Do you ever get into difficult situations just by holding
back? What reactions do you get when you are open? I wonder if Dominants
get more positive feedback when they are public than submissives?
Current Trending Topics on the Discipline and Love forums.....
Just click on the topic title to access the all the replies and ensuing discussions on the D & L Forums.
(Note: To preserve the privacy and security of our members, the forums are closed to public viewing and you will have to register in order to read or post there)
From our new member and moderator, Damien, four brand new topics:
Power versus Control
Let's kick things off! In my introduction I mentioned that I believe in control as opposed to the use of power. A couple of people asked how I differentiate between the two.
With the use of power I can/could make her/him submit to me. The result of this, while for all intent and purpose would ultimately have the same result, it would lack fulfilment.
With the use of control, I can make her WANT to submit to me.
To me personally, her desire to submit to me is paramount.
What's more important to you, his/her ability to make you submit?
Or his/her ability to control not only you but themselves and inspire a need or desire in you to WANT to submit?
Goals
As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?
Are your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?
Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?
Fear and a relationship based on Dominance and Submission
For those of you who are in the early stages of developing a relationship based on Dominance and Submission, what are your fears?
Do you have any fears?
For those of you who are already in an established relationship based on Dominance and Submission, did you initially have any fears?
Did those fears come to any fruition or has your relationship progressed enough to surpass your initial fears?
Have you developed any long term fears/anxiety relating to the longevity of your relationship?
Is your significant other aware of those fears and have you discussed strategies that can alleviate the anxiety?
Are you aware of any fears or anxiety experienced by your significant other relating to your relationship dynamics?
What's more important to you?
For those with a submissive nature that were brave enough to ask their significant other to take control of the relationship. What's more important to you, having your own needs met or do these needs come second to the health of your relationship as a whole.
Same question directed to those Dominant natured people who sought a DD or D/s relationship?
Goals
As either a Dominant or a Submissive, what are your goals in terms of your position within your relationship?
Are
your goals primarily based on yourself as an individual or are they
based on the relationship and the long term benefits as a couple?
Who do you think is responsible for you achieving the goals you set?
From Avidrita
Are you out of the closet?
Where i live, our dynamic is considered deviant and often disgusting to others. Admittedly, we live in an extremely liberal community that emphasizes female autonomy, so female submission in particular is offensive to many.
As a result, I struggle as a submissive with 'coming out' to friends and family. To some extent, it's none of their business just as anything anyone does in the intimacy of their relationship is no one's business. But in a larger sense, I often feel uncomfortably that I am hiding something from those closest to me.
As both Dominants and submissive, how public are you about your dynamic? How private? Do you ever get into difficult situations just by holding back? What reactions do you get when you are open? I wonder if Dominants get more positive feedback when they are public than submissives?
Welcome to a fresh new start at the ‘Discipline & Love’ forums.
After
a three month hiatus at the D & L forums, we have decided that it's about time we opened up
our doors again. We genuinely hope that you will enjoy your time there,
but there are some new conditions attached to this. It is obviously your
choice whether or not you choose to accept these and continue to
participate in our discussions, but we would like our members to know
that these are conditions that *will* be enforced at the discretion of
the admin team, when and how we consider it necessary.
Anyone
who has a problem with something we do, or do not do, is welcome to
discuss it privately with us, but, although we will always listen, we do
not guarantee to reverse a decision and will only do so if we consider
it appropriate under the particular circumstances. As always we will
try to be fair and reasonable, but may sometimes have to act for what we
see as the greater good.
It is the mission of 'D & L' to
explore and try to understand the broader spectrum of consensual
Dominant/submissive relationships as a way of life. This encompasses
anything from a 'basic' DD relationship in which one partner submits to
the authority of the other in given circumstances, through anything in
between, to 'total power exchange' relationships in which one partner
holds complete control over the other.
Although, in an intimate
relationship, there will often be a sexual element to this and it is
quite acceptable to talk about how this fits into the whole, in the
context of this blog and forum our discussions are centred around D/s as a
committed way of life between two people and *not* as something that
consists solely of part time sexually based role play that has no
connection with the way in which a couple interacts in everyday life.
While that can have its legitimate place, that place is not 'D & L'.
This does not mean that we have the unrealistic expectation that every
facet of a person's life will directly and overtly involve D/s, but
that the underlying commitment to D/s between two partners is something
that is always there and cannot be randomly switched off.
We
fully accept and understand that each couple is unique and that needs,
wants and aims will vary considerably from couple to couple, which means
that something that appeals to and works for one couple, may be
entirely wrong for another. However, while we welcome respectful and
educational discussion, questions, opinions, debate and even reasonable
disagreement about another's way of doing things and we are happy to
hear why you feel that that something would not be a good fit for you,
we do not accept that it is in any way necessary to judge, negatively
second guess, insult or put down someone else, whether directly or
indirectly, or by means of snide remarks or veiled digs at individuals
or groups of people, because their opinion or real life experiences are
different from your own. If we consider that this is happening, the
admin team will act on it.
Remember that, although the posts
on a forum may look like simply words on a page, they are nevertheless
written and posted by people who are no less real and capable of
feelings than you, your 'real life' family, friends, neighbours and
work colleagues. The fact that here we are opening up about one of the
most intimate areas of our lives increases, rather than decreases, the
potential for hurt and problems.
In conclusion, our expectation
as a team is that the people here will treat others and their chosen way
of life with respect and tolerance and that, if they have nothing
positive, useful or helpful to add to a discussion and only wish to
negatively criticise, contradict, or insult, they will make the decision
not to add to it at all.
With those provisions, which we
believe to be perfectly reasonable and achievable, we wish you a happy,
safe and productive time at 'Discipline & Love'. Don't forget that, in addition to the forum discussions, among many other things, we have a live on site mini-chat, a facility for making personal blogs which you can choose to keep private or make visible and/or open to comments by the other members, extensive DD and other resources, links to other sites and resources, a storyboard and picture book and slideshow poser toon stories by Overbarrel.
I would also
like to take this opportunity to welcome Damien, who has kindly agreed
to redress the balance by adding the first ever Dominant element to our
admin team. He joins with his sub HisElizabeth and has posted his
introduction on the forums here:
http://www.disciplineandlove.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7332
Regards to all. We are glad to be back.
The Admin Team at 'Discipline & Love'.
