Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Blog of the week: 'A Domestic Discipline Society's': "One DD World Community"

  In his article "Domestic Discipline: One DD World Community", Mr BBSpanker of the informative 'A Domestic Discipline Society (ADDS)' blog and network of DD sites this week poses the question,

"There is something happening over the years that has been a little puzzling. There seems to be a separation between those who frequent blogs and people who prefer to go on adult discussion groups. This has caused a void of information between the two venues of information. Although with cross-over blogs like this one and others the chasm is closing. But, why is there still any gap? We are ONE DD World Community."
I have some thoughts about this that I would like to share with you here.  I will first say that I have very mixed feelings about the matter as a whole.  There's no denying that there are some very high quality blogs out there and that there has never before been such a diversity of information available on this one topic. Obviously, that can't be anything but good.  On the other hand, as the co-owner of a forum which contains a large amount of DD information and resources that has been researched, collected, written and posted as a labour of love over a period of many years and is still updated regularly, it is very disappointing to see all of this effort virtually disappear into obscurity overnight.  I still think that we have a great deal to offer and it is very sad to see the forums and all the experience and diversity that comes with them, suddenly so underused and almost ignored.   These of course are feelings somewhat personal to me and they are accompanied by a sense of disappointment that I am not often even able to persuade a person whose blog, or even posts to another forum, I have found to be particularly informative, to participate or post an a piece of infirmation on 'D & L'.   There is an unfortunately cyclic effect that accompanies this that dictates that, because there is a obvious deficit of participation, others are discouraged from participating themselves.

Mt first thought is that, whereas forums are a medium of communication on which people generally seek advice and a variety of different opinions on anything that that is troubling or confusing them, blogs tend to be a much more personal experience in which individuals and couples chart and record the unique progress and development of their own DD relationships.  I personally feel that there is equal room for this on a forum, ('D & L' actually has it's own inbuilt personal individual blog facility) but, unfortunately, in that setting, it would probably lack the journal style continuity that is provided by a blog.

The downside of this is that, when people do ask for advice and thoughts, which happens occasionally on most blogs, because there is such a huge proliferation of DD related personal blogs (the 'DD Blog List' attached to this blog runs into hundreds) that it is humanly impossible to keep up with them all, responses, except on the most popular and regularly updated blogs, tend to be fewer and more sparing and there is not the capacity for to and fro discussion, sharing of information and clarification that exists on a forum.  

Also, while there may very well be 50 different articles on various individual blogs that cover much the same problem, they are scattered all over the 'blogosphere' under titles that don't always imply a connection and therefore a huge amount of information that could actually be of great help to others is impossible to pinpoint and is lost in the volume.  Depending on how they are set up, it can also very difficult to locate particular articles on an individual blog.  It's one thing to have the memory that one of your favourite bloggers had some useful things to say about a hot topic; it's often quite another to actually find the relevant entry,  On a forum, on the other hand, all the information related to that topic is likely to be located or linked in the same place and anything that isn't can usually be found using a comprehensive search facility, which, in my experience, makes it much easier to get, or find, advice.  

My other thought is a rather less specific one related what I call the "Great Divide".  The fact is that, whichever way that you look at things, any serious commitment to a way of life of this kind, as opposed to the part time sexually based role play that might be tolerated by some sectors of society, is very largely socially unacceptable. Present day society has promoted an ethos in which men and women are no longer permitted to celebrate and enjoy their differences, but feel compelled to deny that there are any differences.  The principle of choice is widely and enthusiastically promoted, but in reality, "choice" in most people's unconscious (or conscious) minds usually only extends to situations with which they can personally identify.  While this can make a great deal of sense when concerned with actions that can affect, damage or restrict other members of society, when it comes to the restriction of the personal and consensual choice of two individuals as to how to live their private lives, it's directly paradoxical to the very principle of freedom that they claim to promote.  The attitude overall is very much one of, "You are entitled to your freedom just so long as that "freedom" remains strictly within the bounds of my preferences and limitations". 

If this were only to extend to the "vanilla" sections of society, then for me, although I would still view it as short sighted and contradictory, it would be understandable.  People are often made afraid by what they don't understand.  The sad thing however, is that it doesn't. Instead there are enormous divides and much infighting within the world of TTWD at large.  Each 'genre' of  D/s has its own idea of what should be allowed or given the label, and what shouldn't. Many have no tolerance or wish to understand what another does or how it fits into the wider scheme of things. 

What I can never understand is why, with the underlying provisos that something is fully consensual and doesn't impact negatively on other people in any way, those who, within the world of TTWD feel that others don't have the right to judge and restrict them, can nevertheless feel that they have the right to judge and negatively label any practise that doesn't appeal personally to them. 

It makes no sense to me, that instead of presenting a united front to a world that wants to restrict and condemn us because our choices are not theirs, we choose to spend our time fighting and disagreeing among ourselves abut the details. Surely one of the greatest things about what we do is that we can tailor it to meet individual needs and desires without expecting others to do exactly the same.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Sunday Night Chat on 3rd November 2013

 





COME TO SUNDAY NIGHT CHAT IN OUR OFF-SITE 'CHATZY' ROOM: from 8PM British time onwards on Sunday, 3rd November, 2013.

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To access the offsite 1DD Chat Room, simply click on the link below (or copy and paste it into your browser's address bar),

http://us10.chatzy.com/Domestic-Discipline-Chat


choose your name and colour, fill in password: "4ddchat" (EVERYONE USES THE SAME PASSWORD TO GET INTO CHAT) and click on "Enter Room". When the new Chat Room screen appears, click on "Join Chat" and you should be all ready to go!

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Check out our Time Zone map here: (Click on the link or copy and paste it into your browser's address bar) to figure out the equivalent time in your area

http://www.myzebramap.com/emyzmxzgCjNW/"

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HAVE FUN, BUT BE RESPECTFUL AND CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS!
 
Don't forget that our offsite chat room is "open house" 24/7/365. If you fancy an impromptu chat with DD or D/s friends and you want somewhere to hold it, please feel free to invite people into the room at any time.



Tuesday, October 22, 2013

This Week's 'D & L' Trending Topics



Click on the relevant topic header to read the full discussion on the forums
Yikes!


"Guess who got caught up at 3 am last night or more appropriately this morning.........."
 



A poster wonders how to handle some  unusual events that have thrown his generally equitable marriage into temporary confusion.....

(The full discussion may be read on the forums as usual, but, to protect the privacy of the poster and his wife,I have not quoted it here)



"Hey all. It's been a while since I've been here.....in fact I know exactly the last time.....October 6th in a chat with Ros and Angela. I went over my allotted time and confessed. This is my first laptop use since. In addition, the time overage confession led to a lengthy discussion of why I went over and how I felt that due to a lot of factors I was feeling lax about obedience. One thing led to another and I brought up the topic of Boot Camp......something that is mentioned here a lot that I have never experienced but understand. She understood it too and thought it would be a good way to get us back into the proper mindsets......" 




 
"He sees it as bad....

I suppose perhaps DD isn't for him. he says there are practices he sees as useful. but he doesn't feel it's ok to punish his partner. I feel like he doesn't understand me. and now he's feeling in a sensellike he's lost me. no matter how much I go to him, he's distant. he's barely touched me in over a week. and pulls away when i get close or touchy. he says he feels like he had to change.. to become serious and that he now doesn't relate to anyone."





"This just recently came up and wanted to get advice from both sides last night i was punished because i have been a bit bratty lately and have been a bit distracted when driving...................

The problem arose last night with my asthma acting up and i almost had an asthma attack we do not want to use safe words and have not had to yet and he even noticed i was distressed last night and slowed up. Can someone suggest ways to get around the safe word and yet be able to practice DD safely with this problem?..........." 




Sunday, October 6, 2013

 THE 'D & L' CHAT ROOM   SUNDAY NIGHT CHAT IS HAPPENING NOW!     


  IMPORTANT! THE CHAT ROOM PASSWORD HAS CHANGED. CLICK ON THE BUTTON BELOW TO GET THE NEW PASSWORD  'Discipline & Love' has its own private fully featured off site three year old domestic discipline chat room which is always open for free meeting and discussion among friends of like mind.

Scheduled Sunday evening topic led chats take place at 8pm London time and 9pm USA Eastern Standard time.

Time zone map


Click on the button below to get the chat room link and password



PLEASE NOTE THAT, IN ORDER TO CUT DOWN ON 'SPAMBOT' ACTIVITY AND ENSURE THAT CHAT PARTICIPANTS ARE AT LEAST 21 YEARS OF AGE, ACCESS IS VIA REGISTERED MEMBERSHIP OF THE 'DISCIPLINE & LOVE' DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE DISCUSSION FORUMS.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

This week's trending topics on the 'D & L' forums

THIS WEEK'S TRENDING TOPICS ON THE 'D & L' FORUMS

Just click on the topic header to read the whole discussion on the forums.  

When did you know that you liked to be spanked?
 

"Last night, Jason and I were talking about my desire to be spanked. He'd been reading DD blogs and he said, "Do you think you are a 'dyed-in-the-wool' spanko?" Without batting an eyelash, I said, "Absolutely."

He was surprised and said, "Really? You wanted me to spank you earlier in our marriage?" I said, "Gosh, totally." It was ten years of marriage before I asked him to spank me (though then it was the sexy kind).........."




Comfort with HOHs' Decisions

"In chat last night, one woman who is just beginning DD with her husband expressed discomfort and a lack of readiness to put the final decision-making in the hands of her husband.

FOR TIH'S:
What are your experiences/thoughts on that subject?

If it was ever a problem, how did you work it out?

Does that discomfort ever totally disappear?

FOR HOH'S"
Have you sensed your partner's discomfort concerning this issue?

How do/did you deal with it?.........."







Domestic Discipline and Parenting

"I've searched high and low this weekend. For information others have shared on how they handled starting DD in a home with young ch*ldren. I'm struggling at times with settling into my tih role where our ch*ldren are concerned. Keeping my assertiveness so as not to lose my authority when he is away, without overstepping him when he is present........."






Handling the implement

"A few times, to seriously make a point, Jason has had me fetch an implement.

Oh my goodness is this ever effective.

One time, he had me get the hairbrush, hand it to him, then go sit on the end of the bed and think about what I did and how I'd prevent it from happening again.

One time during a stress relief spanking he just wasn't really getting through to me and he said, "Do I need to get the brush?" (the brush is harder on me than even the belt or paddle or loopy johnny) and I said, in this little teeny voice, "I think so maybe." He said, "No, YOU Need to go get it." Gulp. But that wasn't even for a punishment!..........."




On the spot

"The waiting or right now thread had me thinking.

Some things I think of as on the spot quick reminders.

Not deserving a full punishment but a quick reminder to not get any farther out of hand.

For some things this is just a quick word, that look in the eye of watch your step. At times it might be a single hard swat over her jeans more as a warning, sometimes almost in play.

But it is always something meant to warn or remind that she is treading on thin water so to speak.

DO any others have this thought of on the spot corrections as part of the DD.

In the military this would be the type of correction that they assign push ups for and such.

Argue about it and you can get in more trouble something short to adjust the mindset is the goal........"





Sunday, September 22, 2013

'D & L's Sunday Chat and forum Trending Topics



THE 'D & L' CHAT ROOMALWAYS OPEN FOR YOUR DD CHAT! 
The DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CHAT ROOM is open 24/7/365 for the free, supportive and friendly discussion of all aspects of domestic discipline.


Our topic suggestion for this Sunday's chat, beginning at 8pm London time is: 


Comfort with HOHs' Decisions

"In chat last night, one woman who is just beginning DD with her husband expressed discomfort and a lack of readiness to put the final decision-making in the hands of her husband........"


Check out our international time zone map


Click on the button below to get the chat room link and password




PLEASE NOTE THAT, IN ORDER TO CUT DOWN ON 'SPAMBOT' ACTIVITY AND ENSURE THAT CHAT PARTICIPANTS ARE AT LEAST 21 YEARS OF AGE, ACCESS IS VIA REGISTERED MEMBERSHIP OF THE 'DISCIPLINE & LOVE' DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE DISCUSSION FORUMS.



THIS WEEK'S TRENDING TOPICS ON THE 'D & L' FORUMS

Just click on the topic header to read the whole discussion on the forums.  

When did you know that you liked to be spanked?
 

Last night, Jason and I were talking about my desire to be spanked. He'd been reading DD blogs and he said, "Do you think you are a 'dyed-in-the-wool' spanko?" Without batting an eyelash, I said, "Absolutely."

He was surprised and said, "Really? You wanted me to spank you earlier in our marriage?" I said, "Gosh, totally." It was ten years of marriage before I asked him to spank me (though then it was the sexy kind)..........




Comfort with HOHs' Decisions

In chat last night, one woman who is just beginning DD with her husband expressed discomfort and a lack of readiness to put the final decision-making in the hands of her husband.

FOR TIH'S:
What are your experiences/thoughts on that subject?

If it was ever a problem, how did you work it out?

Does that discomfort ever totally disappear?

FOR HOH'S"
Have you sensed your partner's discomfort concerning this issue?

How do/did you deal with it?..........







Domestic Discipline and Parenting

I've searched high and low this weekend. For information others have shared on how they handled starting DD in a home with young ch*ldren. I'm struggling at times with settling into my tih role where our ch*ldren are concerned. Keeping my assertiveness so as not to lose my authority when he is away, without overstepping him when he is present.........






Handling the implement

A few times, to seriously make a point, Jason has had me fetch an implement.

Oh my goodness is this ever effective.

One time, he had me get the hairbrush, hand it to him, then go sit on the end of the bed and think about what I did and how I'd prevent it from happening again.

One time during a stress relief spanking he just wasn't really getting through to me and he said, "Do I need to get the brush?" (the brush is harder on me than even the belt or paddle or loopy johnny) and I said, in this little teeny voice, "I think so maybe." He said, "No, YOU Need to go get it." Gulp. But that wasn't even for a punishment!...........




On the spot

The waiting or right now thread had me thinking.

Some things I think of as on the spot quick reminders.

Not deserving a full punishment but a quick reminder to not get any farther out of hand.

For some things this is just a quick word, that look in the eye of watch your step. At times it might be a single hard swat over her jeans more as a warning, sometimes almost in play.

But it is always something meant to warn or remind that she is treading on thin water so to speak.

DO any others have this thought of on the spot corrections as part of the DD.

In the military this would be the type of correction that they assign push ups for and such.

Argue about it and you can get in more trouble something short to adjust the mindset is the goal........





Sunday, September 15, 2013

D & L Sunday Chat



CHAT TOPIC SUGGESTION FOR SUNDAY 15TH SEPTEMBER:
 






JasonsGirl asks on the D & L Forums:
"Are you a wired 'spanko'. If so, when did you first recognise this trait in yourself? How does/did this affect your DD relationship?"




  IMPORTANT! THE CHAT ROOM PASSWORD HAS CHANGED. CLICK ON THE BUTTON BELOW TO GET THE NEW PASSWORD.
  'Discipline & Love' has its own private fully featured off site three year old domestic discipline chat room which is always open for free meeting and discussion among friends of like mind.

Scheduled Sunday evening topic led chats take place at 8pm London time and 9pm USA Eastern Standard time.

Time zone map


Click on the button below to get the chat room link and password


PLEASE NOTE THAT, IN ORDER TO CUT DOWN ON 'SPAMBOT' ACTIVITY AND ENSURE THAT CHAT PARTICIPANTS ARE AT LEAST 21 YEARS OF AGE, ACCESS IS VIA REGISTERED MEMBERSHIP OF THE 'DISCIPLINE & LOVE' DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE DISCUSSION FORUMS